The Latest News Children and Divorce

No matter what age a child is when their parents divorce, a litigated divorce can not only be toxic for the family but financially devastating.  The impact to older child of a gray divorce (a divorce later in life) is surprising not less impactful because they are older.  Gray divorces have doubled since the 1990s. Whenever a divorce occurs litigation is not the answer. Not only is a Collaborative divorce less toxic it is also extremely less expensive that a highly contested divorce. 

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Julie Halpert, Considerable.com

I've been meaning to post this important ruling...

Religious-based adoption agencies that contract with Michigan will be allowed to refuse to place children in LGBTQ homes under a preliminary injunction.

"Today's ruling requires the state to put the individual religious beliefs of foster care agencies ahead of the welfare of children," said Jay Kaplan, staff attorney for the ACLU of Michigan's LGBT Project. "This will not facilitate foster and adoptive placements for children in need. Instead, it will allow agencies to turn away same-sex foster parents who are able to provide supportive and loving homes for these children."

Selected excerpt(s) courtesy of The Associated Press.  Selected photo courtesy of Rebecca Cook / Reuters file

We all come from different backgrounds and life circumstances that make us who we are as well as frame and form how we interact...this includes the patterns and ways we approach relationships. This is true of all of us. This article looks at how children of divorce are impacted in their love life from the divorce they have experienced through their parents. Loving someone who is a child of divorce has a few more layers of complication.  As in any relationship, if it's a good one, it's worth working for.

Although this article sets forth 10 different ways children of divorce love differently, remember that not all factors apply to all people. 

This is a very good read, and a good article for people going through a divorce, because it gives insight to what children will be forced to deal with as a result of divorce and how it might impact them in the future. Not only is it a guideline for people who are in a relationship with a child of divorce, but it is also a guideline for parents who are dealing with children going through a divorce. 

Remember, if you are faced with the awful decision of having to go through a dissolution of your marriage, there is a better way for you and your family, especially for your children, to use a more holistic approach that will safeguard their interests above all else. 

Choose Collaborative Divorce where you have a team of professionals who can help you with all aspects: financial, emotional and legal.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Andrea Zimmerman, YourTango(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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We all know that our children do not tell us everything.  This article focuses on what adult children wish their fathers would have brought up before it was too late.  Fathers, for reasons of doubt, awkwardness or simply lack of words don’t broach certain subjects. 

Many times things left unsaid can create voids later in life.  Some topics may seem more important than others.  Political affiliations and positions for one, but issues regarding divorce become interesting.  Since so many marriages, more than 50%, end up in divorce, it is quite often the case that one’s child at some time may be facing a divorce.  Although uncomfortable to talk about, sometimes parents can be of aid and support to their children going through their own divorce by sharing their experiences.

Sharing history of family, good or bad, is important, because once we are gone, our children may have no way of retrieving that knowledge other than what we share with them.  Discussing our personal health issues, experience and family medical health history is important as well.  These are just some of the items touched upon by this article that are not only of interest but important.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Matt Christensen, Fatherly

Intersex has occurred for generations, but most never knew that our trusted physicians would unilaterally make a decision for an infant and perform surgery (some would say mutilation) to assign a gender the doctor felt was best - all without consulting or advising the parents before the surgery was performed.  History has shown that the doctors' choice has, on most cases, not been good for the child.  Today more parents are being proactive and not letting doctors make that choice for their child.  It’s important that doctors be required to give parents the choice!

Selected excerpt(s), linked article and photo courtesy of Daniella Emanuel, CNN

One of the hardest things about navigating a divorce is not just your emotional well being and survival, but that of your children.  Too often parents are so overwhelmed with their own emotional turmoil and the disagreements (and the war) going on between them, that they forget about the impact of this devastating time on their children.  Some of the nastiest things that occur in a litigated divorce is when parents use their children as pawns and a vehicle to hurt their spouse.  In actuality all they have done is hurt their children. 

Parents need to communicate honestly with their children about divorce, but they need to keep it general.  They don’t need to involve the children in the nitty gritty of their problems and their relationship.  Often children are not equipped to deal with these complexities, nor should they have to. 

In the collaborative process, family specialist are extremely valuable in helping parents deal with their children and do what is best to help the children navigate through this difficult time. 

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Jim Catlin, Chippewa Valley Family

This article was a joy to read and so uplifting!  Divorcees decide to do what's best for their child and extended family by getting out of the city and self-sheltering together. I am sure it has its challenges but what a testament to doing the right thing for your kids and the "family".  Bravo!

Photo courtesy of Denise Albert.

Families come in all shapes and sizes. More and more these days, children and families are challenged with adjusting to transitions. According to the US Census Bureau, about half of all first marriages end in divorce and nearly one million children are affected each year by divorce. During the 2000s, single parent families rose to an all-time high of nearly 40%*.

NYS Laws vary regarding single and divorced parent families. What does that mean and what rights do single or divorced parents have? Custody issues can be complicated when parents of a child were never or are no longer married. Issues affecting single or divorced parents include:

Custody and Visitation
When parents were never legally married, there is no assumption of paternity for single fathers. If a single father wants sole or joint custody of his child, he must file a Voluntary Acknowledgement of Custody and/or take a DNA test. This makes it possible for him to pursue sole or shared custody of the child. It will also make him financially responsible for this child, regardless of whether or not custody and visitation is granted.

When a child is adopted, both parents will need to show proof of their standing in their child’s life if the relationship ends and both want custody and/or visitation. As long as both parents played a significant role in the care and upbringing of the adopted child prior to the separation or divorce, it will be treated similarly to if the child were biologically their own. For Gay and Lesbian couples, it is imperative that both parents have been legally recognized by a second parent adoption and/or joint adoption.

When parents were married and are divorcing, the custody and visitation agreement is part of the divorce proceedings. If parents are able to work out a custody and visitation arrangement on their own, the courts just need to approve this. If they are unable to agree on an arrangement, the court will make these decisions based on what it feels is in the best interests of the child.

Child Support
Children born to a married couple are deemed the child of those parents. This premise has yet to be put to the test for Lesbian couples. For an unmarried parent, in order for a parent to receive child support for the care of a child, he or she must prove the other parent is responsible for the child. This is done either through paternity testing or by demonstrating a parent’s role in the adoption of the child.

Best Interest of the Child
Above all else, regardless of the relationship of parents, the best interest of the child will be the standard of review used by the Courts. When parents are able to do this on their own, the court simply oversees their efforts and ensures the child is protected. If parents are unable to agree on the future of their child, family court will make a decision based on the needs and desires of the child. The wishes of the child however are not determinative and often not truly considered unless the child is fourteen or older.

If you are the parent of a child and were never married to his or her mother or father, or you are in the process of a divorce, it is important to work with an experienced family law attorney. This ensures your role in your child’s life is protected, especially if you are part of a non-traditional family.

If you need help in this area or have questions feel free contact attorney Concetta Spirio at 631-277-8844

* www.smartstepfamilies.com/view/statistics