The Latest News July 2021

One of the earlier questions a client usually asks during a consultation for divorce is what are the monetary costs (legal fees) of obtaining a divorce.  The reality is, in New York, the costs for a divorce are slightly higher than the national average.  However, that takes into account that the divorce rate is higher in New York than in other places in the country, as well as the fact that the cost of living and earnings of people in New York are also higher. 

Unfortunately, the process between court fees and the documentation required by the courts in order to grant a divorce cannot be avoided.  Therefore, the actual costs of your divorce will vary, depending on the complexity of your matter as well as which method or process you utilize.  Obviously a highly contested divorce, i.e. with two attorneys fighting every issue out through the court system can become astronomically expensive.  Collaborative divorce and mediation are less expensive and are a much more holistic approach. 

However, when all is said and done, in my opinion and experience, Mediation and the Collaborative process can run about the same.  Again, each case is different and it depends largely upon the complexity of your circumstances i.e. whether there are children, retirement assets, marital assets and debt, etc.

It's important to have the right professional to help you navigate any process.  That is why a collaborative divorce, using collaboratively trained professionals, in my opinion, is the best and most holistic approach and when compared with the alternatives is the most cost effective.

If you have any questions please contact me @ Spiriolaw.com or one of the amazing Collaborative Divorce Professionals @ LICDP.com

Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash

This article is actually a compilation of responses tweeted from an inquiry on what was “the worst divorce advice they ever received”. 

One of the items that I have always thought was sage advice was “never go to bed angry”.  However, one person responded that sometimes it is exactly what you should not do, because you’re tired, you’re angry and you are better off getting some sleep and waking up fresh and seeing if the argument is still something that needs attention or is serious. 

This one seems to be truly one of the worst pieces of advice.  A woman recalled that a co-worker interpreted her and her husband’s decision not to have children as something that the husband was imposing, and she advised her to stop her birth control and once he was settled with the fact that she was pregnant, he would have no choice and therefore would have to be happy about having a baby.

Although that is truly mind blowing, we know from experience that marriages have been conceived this way as well as creating other difficulties in marriages when someone chooses unilaterally to make choices regarding having children. 

I hope you enjoy the balance of exciting and different so called advice, and if someone offers you advice about your relationship and/or divorce, hopefully you will approach it with common sense and knowing that only you truly know what is going on in your relationship and where the communication levels are at.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Jonas Grinevičius and Mindaugas Balčiauskas of BoredPanda.com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash

For many, divorce is an earth shattering, life-changing experience.  This article discusses this individual person’s perspective on six things she felt, in retrospect, that people should do after being divorced and before starting a new relationship.  

I like her suggestion of going away alone and spending some quality time with yourself.  This will help someone get perspective and restart/reboot themselves.  As important is having some quality one on one downtime with your children.

Spring cleaning, not only removing your ex’s items from your home, but also possibly refreshing some of your rooms with a new look or style will give you a fresh take moving forward.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Katie Bingham-Smith, ScaryMommy.com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash

The preamble of this article interestingly points out that society is set up to support and satisfy business interests but not family interests; so when two people come together in a marriage, although they have each other, they many times face the problems of the world without much support from society. 

Researchers have studied marriages for decades to figure out what works to keep a couple together for the long hall.  They have found these 7 factors outlined in this article to be essential for a happy long term marriage:

The first thing that a relationship really needs is a strong foundation. It is suggested that starts with a good friendship.  Although your primary relationship should be one of your primary friendships, it should not be your only friendship.  Like plants and trees in nature, people need space to grow in the sun and flourish.

Successful relationships often demonstrate that the individuals are truly in a successful partnership where they always have each other’s back and are always supportive of one another.  They share successes, they share disappointments, but more importantly, they support one another when there is a problem.  As termed in the article, it’s not “codependency”, but “interdependency”.  Being consistent and empathetic with each other are required for a truly successful partnership. 

What  most people don’t realize is that optimism and positivity are essential to succeed in any avenue in life.  This is especially true in a committed, primary relationship.  Being optimistic and positive enables a person and/or a couple or partnership to face conflict and problems and to come up with problem solving  strategies that are creative.  Practicing gratitude and being grateful for all aspects of the person in your life and having empathy for their circumstances and the things they are going through in life, in addition to your own, really fortifies the relationship.  It’s like the infrastructure that creates a strong foundation.  Think of it as steel used to reinforce concrete. 

How do you manage stress?  How do you as a couple manage stress?  Stress is a very big factor in life and it comes in all forms.  Plus, no one is immune.  Everyone has stress in their life, in one form or another.  How we individually and as a couple face stress and adversity can affect the health of a relationship. 

I found this article to be a very introspective read with some great points on what we should all pay attention to in our relationships.   Let me know your thoughts about the items outlined in this article.  I’ve only touched on a few.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Virginia Pelley, Fatherly.com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈Happy End of Pride Month! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Hope you all got to enjoy some of the amazing pride events this past month. For me pride is an all year round thing.🙃🥰 I am fortunate to belong to the Nassau County Bar Association LGBTQ Committee and The Suffolk County Bar Association LGBTQ committee. 

When I was young Pride parades were a demonstration that we exist and to show our numbers. For many it was a danger just to March. Now Pride month is an essential yearly acknowledgement that LGBTQ+ individuals are represented and are free to be themselves and a celebration of living life openly and freely.  It is also a time to honor and pay respects to all our LGBTQ+ rights warriors past and present.  We have fought hard to get where we are today but there is so much work to be done to combat the current backlash of rights we have obtained. 

A Very special shout out to Charlie Arrowood who has worked sooooo hard getting the Gender Recognition Act passed in New York State and succeeding - I am so honored to know Charlie and thank him for all he has done and continues to do. (https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/governor-cuomo-signs-gender-recognition-act) ! 

Happy Pride from the Nassau County Bar Association LGBTQ Committee!

And if you did not get to see The Suffolk County Courts LGBTQ Pride Celebration including tThe Suffolk County Bar Association LGBTQ committee and honoring our very own Justice Chris Ann Kelley. check out the recording  via this link: http://wowza.nycourts.gov/vod/WowzaPlayerVOD.php?source=suffolk&video=20210623_PrideCelebration.mp4.  

Happy Pride and stay strong and vigilant all year long to protect progress made and forge forward to more love and understanding and acceptance🏳️‍🌈