"I Was Still In Love When I Signed The Papers." Divorced Women Are Revealing The "Hardest Parts" Of Divorce That They Never Saw Coming...

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Liz Richardson, buzzfeed(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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Welcome back to the Collaborative Circle, and our first YouTube Video of 2021!

There are obviously worse things that can happen in a relationship than having a heated argument with your significant other, especially if there is a chance of making things better or learning from each other.  But there should be rules to fighting and arguing, whether spoken or unspoken. 

In 1980, two Dutch scholars developed some simple rules that can help.  This article also focuses on what fallacies to avoid using.  When I looked through these, what struck me is that many of them contain a judgment embedded in them, which is another thing to avoid when having an argument or a discussion with your spouse or significant other.  The last thing you want to do is blame or speak with a statement dripping with judgment.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Stever Calechman, Fatherly.com
Royalty free photo courtesy of Unsplash.com

Before you make an election on your Social Security benefits whether to retire early, retire at the full retirement age or at maximum age, this is an election you need to make with true understanding of the consequences.  Therefore consulting a financial adviser who understands Social Security benefits is often best!

Many people are anxious to retire, but should you take Social Security early or at the earliest possible age?  Most people do not realize that there is a significant loss of benefit when you retire early.  A large percentage of your benefit disappears if you elect to retire early i.e., taking retirement at age 62.  Full retirement age has changed over time...it used to be 65 but now depends upon when you were born to determine at what age you can collect full retirement benefits. 

Before retirement, it is wise to consider when and which benefits to take, depending on your financial circumstances.  Taking Social Security at age 70, for instance, may get you more money monthly but will you live long enough to collect the difference of what you would collect if you took benefits at full retirement age?  This is something that you should consider and calculate, or speak with a financial adviser to understand the full picture.

Divorce can also affect Social Security benefits.  For instance, did you know that if you were married for 10 years and then divorce, you can choose an election where you actually are able to utilize your ex-spouse’s Social Security benefits?  So how does that work?  So long as you have been married for at least 10 years, it doesn't matter how long you were divorced, so long as you have not remarried you will have the option at the time of your retirement to elect between your own Social Security benefit or ½ of your ex-spouse’s Social Security benefit, if it is greater than your own benefits.  You are not, however, entitled to the entire amount of your ex’s Social Security benefit.  You are only entitled to half, so if your ex-spouse ears significantly more than you for many years, half of their retirement benefit may be larger than your entire retirement benefit.  The wonderful thing is it doesn't matter when your Ex retires or when you retire...the election to your ex-spouse’s benefit exists and does not affect your ex-spouse’s benefit or how they elect to take their retirement.  The Social Security Administration usually will do the best as far as giving you the higher amount, so for instance, if it is better for you to keep your own benefit they will make sure that your own Social Security benefit is paid first and then they will pay you the difference using the spousal benefit generated by your ex-spouse’s work history.  Just be sure to confirm everything before finalizing your election!

There is also a survivor benefit in the event that your spouse, either current or former, passes away.  You may be eligible for survivor benefits.  Qualification for these benefits are really different.  If you were married at the time of the death, you must have been married for at least nine months unless your spouse’s death was accidental or occurred during military service.  For your divorced spouse you had to have been similarly married for 10 years and if that spouse dies that death survivor benefit can actually be received before you retire, depending on your age and circumstances and whether or not you have a disability.  If you are receiving Social Security and your ex-spouse dies, you can get a boost to your Social Security by that survivor benefit.  As previously stated, re-marriage can kill the benefits from an ex-spouse.  Remember, it is your re-marriage not theirs.  You can receive up to 50% of your ex-spouse’s benefit amount.  If you are a widow or widower you can receive up to 100% of the deceased’s benefit, but as in most situations as I previously mentioned, if you choose to receive reduced benefits if you apply before your full retirement age not only is your benefit significantly discounted, those benefits that you could get from an ex-spouse will also be reduced.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Sarah Sheehan, financebuzz(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

If you’re planning for your marriage to last long-term, here are some tips from people who married their high school sweethearts...and have stayed married!

• Expect and give each other time and space to grow and change
• Honest and open communication
• Support your partner in public and hold criticism and any argument until you’re in private
• The little things matter...saying thank you and please...paying attention to each other’s needs...asking how was your day, listening to the answer and sharing each other’s day and concerns
• Having true down time together to stay connected
• Practice forgiveness
• Know when to let things slide...choose when and if to complain
• Truly respect and trust each other and if you don't have that, maybe it’s time to figure out why
• No matter how long you are a couple, recognize you are not one single person...you each will have different interests and it’s ok to explore them alone
• Pick and chose your battles, never argue with personal attacks, communicate and embrace compromise AND NEVER go to bed angry
• Support each other and always have each other’s back...stick with each other and stick up for each other
• Be best friends
• Try and get along, or at least respect the in-laws...do not impose a separation or distance with family unless your partner creates that for themselves

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Allie Hayes of Buzzfeed.  Pic courtesy of Pixar.

This article gives some good advice.  The very first thing someone facing a divorce should do is finding or hiring a good attorney.  I would recommend that you hire a good collaborative attorney.  It is always better to go through the collaborative method which approaches divorce from a holistic perspective of helping you and your family survive the dissolution of your marriage, both financially and emotionally.  It requires full disclosure and transparency as the law requires.  You will work with a team of professionals to help you through that process.

The other good tips in this article include monitoring your credit report, taking an inventory of all your assets and liabilities, and do what is necessary, depending upon your circumstances with respect to protecting your financial future.

Selected photo courtesy of 4 PM production/Shutterstock.com.  Selected linked article courtesy of Emmet Pierce, MoneyTalksNews.

Statistics tell us more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 7 years tends to be the magic number for the average length of a couple making it before divorcing.  Obviously the first year is the honeymoon phase.  At about 4 years, tensions tend to arise and by year 7, couples are either in a fight or flee mode, where they will find a way to deal with the tensions and move their relationship forward or decide that a dissolution is where they are heading. 

Multiple studies clearly indicate communication is crucial and misunderstanding left unattended grows into resentment and contempt.  A couple really needs to decide whether they are going to work through their difficulties and make the relationship work.  You have to be willing to spend the time to work at your relationship.  Kindness, good communication and respect for one another are vital.

By now everyone knows that Bill & Melinda Gates are getting divorced. One of the richest couples in the world didn't have a Pre-Nuptial agreement (an agreement that is entered into prior to the marriage to determine ownership and distribution of assets in the event of a divorce). However, this divorce is not going to be a highly contested public affair because they have entered into a separate contract that addresses the division of property and spousal support after or during the marriage but before filing for divorce. This is often called a Post-Nuptial Agreement.  It’s important to note that these agreements cannot include provisions for child support and/or custody, but in the Gates case this was never necessary because they didn't have any minor children.

It appears the couple had been working on reconciling their differences, but when that became futile, they smartly handled everything that needed to be handled in the dissolution prior to actually filing a Court Proceeding.

This is a great example of how Collaborative Divorce can work, which is available to families in New York and not just for the rich and famous.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Justin Chan, entrepreneur.com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash