Matrimonial attorneys surveyed by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers have seen an increase in women paying spousal support.  Spousal support, formally known as alimony, is financial assistance and monetary aid provided by one spouse to another after a marriage ends.  The purported goal is to help maintain the marital standard of living and assist a lower earner in becoming more self-sufficient.  That is the purpose that is intended.  Historically, alimony and spousal support was predominantly paid to women.  However, in the 1980s in a case supported by the late Ruth Bader Ginsberg, it was deemed unconstitutional to unequally treat the sexes and ordered alimony to be gender neutral. 

Over the past two decades we have seen many high-profile woman from Brittany to Madonna to J Lo directed to pay millions of dollars to their exes in spousal support.  One of the most shocking decisions was Kelly Clarkson’s order to pay her ex-husband a one-time payment of $1,326,161.00 and monthly payments of $115,000.00 in spousal support until January of 2024.  In addition, notwithstanding that Clarkson was the primary custodian caring for their two children the majority of the time, she was ordered to pay $45,601.00 per month in child support. 

These are just some examples of women being directed to pay child support.  When prenups and alternative means or methods of obtaining divorce are not used, the parties are at the peril of the court and their decisions, whether we think them to be rational or justified.  Unfortunately, parties like this get stuck with the court’s verdict. 

That is why Collaborative Law for dissolution of a marriage is the way to keep you, your family, your children and your money safe. 

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Annita Katee, wellandgood(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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First off, this article expresses the need for couples to have additional help in the form of couples counseling. As in any therapy, a person, or a couple in this case, will learn new skills and insights on how to resolve issues or have better skills in dealing with different situations and stresses. 

This article also highlights some very serious issues that if not corrected will lead a couple to dissolve their relationship. Some of these issues are loss of respect for your partner, imbalanced accountability, lopsided communication and a defeatist attitude, as well as the absence of true empathy.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Jessica G Hartshorn, scarymommy(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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Another instance where it really pays to have an attorney.  I recently had an amazing result for a client. On a six-point speed ticket I was able to get it reduced to NO points and a non-moving parking violation. Yes, there was a fine, but not having a speeding ticket of that significance or even a moving violation with that number of points makes a huge difference on your insurance. Unfortunately, a person appearing on behalf of themselves would never get this result from the Suffolk County vehicle traffic and parking agency.

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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So, this a scary title of an article, but the bottom line is, in New York a pregnant woman can legally get divorced. However, this article points out that in states like Arizona, Arkansas, Missouri and Texas, courts will not grant a divorce to a married couple if the wife is pregnant.  Therefore, in addition to not having control over her body with respect to abortion or health issues that may arise from that pregnancy, i.e. the pregnancy needs to be terminated for the health and life of mother, in these circumstances a woman can be held hostage in a marriage merely because she is pregnant.  

Fortunately, New York State Governor Kathy Hochul is moving to confirm women's rights in New York despite the Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe v Wade.  

This article also identifies the 7 legal grounds for divorce in New York. Fortunately, New York now provides for "no fault grounds" for divorce and has moved from the archaic stance where you actually needed other grounds to get divorce. Now most people can qualify on a non-contested no fault ground. 

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Yasmin Young, wblk(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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To warring parents, splitting up often feels like the only answer. But as Jane Green reveals from bitter experience, the fallout - for your children, your friends and yourself - can be worse than you imagined.

Most people do not realize that divorce is like a bomb going off, not only for the family, but for their extended family, their children and their friends as well.  Actor Ewan McGregor was quoted as saying that “a divorce in a family is a bomb going off in everyone’s lives…”. 

This article gives a different perspective from someone who went through a traditional divorce, and after handling the fall out of their “bomb going off," now believes in retrospect that it may have been better for their children to have stayed in a miserable marriage rather than have the family and children go through the effects of a divorce.

I would note, however, that divorce at any age, including a “gray” divorce, has an impact on children. No matter what age the children are when a divorce happens, they are impacted. Obviously, this is something that each person contemplating a divorce must think through to see what is best for them and their family.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Jane Green, DailyMail(dot)co(dot)uk
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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It is not always obvious that you may be in an unhappy and toxic relationship/marriage. However, if you take the time to step back and look closely, you will see that there are behaviors by your partner/spouse that are not the behaviors of someone who truly loves you. 

Unfortunately, in our education for life, either by our parents, family or the school system, no one really prepares us and tells us how a successful relationship, let alone a marriage, should work. Instead, we are left to go through relationships one by one and hopefully learn by experience. 

This article discusses five signs of a toxic relationship. Again, contempt is at the top of the list, fighting, secrets, distance and silence. 

This is why the alternative processes of Mediation and Collaborative are vital. Did you know that Mediation is now often used to help couples also stay together?

If you have any questions or want to explore these issues, please feel free to contact me.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Mitzi Bockmann, YourTango(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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Same sex marriage became legal based upon two Supreme Court decisions that determined that DOMA (The Defensive of Marriage Act) was unconstitutional and thereby ultimately determined the rights of same sex couples to marry and recognized said right throughout the 50 states (you can read more about this on my blog posting last week).

The law known as DOMA still exists but was overwritten by the Supreme Court decisions. However, with the most recent Supreme Court decision overturning the landmark abortion ruling of Roe v Wade, it seems clear from Justice Clarence Thomas’ concurring opinion that the rules of marriage equality and LGBTQI Rights as well as contraception rights could be at risk. 

This has spurred democrats to act. Last week the House passed a bill to codify Roe and also considered legislation this week to codify access to contraception, both of which are now in jeopardy based on the overturning of Roe. A bipartisan group of law makers have introduced the Respect for Marriage Act, which will repeal DOMA and require federal recognition for same sex and interracial marriages. This would also require all states to recognize marriages that are valid in the states where they were preformed, regardless of a particular states stand on same sex marriage. This would in effect, preserve state and federal benefits for those marriages in the event the Supreme Court choses to open the door for state legislation prohibiting them. 

Of course it is a long way from introduction to actually getting a bill passed. This will need to go through a committee, then brought to the House floor for a vote and if passed there, then would go to the Senate.  Both the House Majority leader and the Senate Majority Whip, (both democrats). are looking to push this legislation forward and have gone as far to say that it is a top priority.  Although this is a bipartisan effort, whether enough GOP votes needed to bypass the filibuster will be gained is unknown.  At present, more than 20 GOP Senators have declined to stake a position.

Vote Update:  Bipartisan Respect for Marriage Act Passes 267-157, with 47 Republican Votes 

Although some may say DOMA was rendered impendent by the Supreme Court rulings, as we saw with Roe v Wade, that could easily be overturned by the current Supreme Court bench. 

For those looking to secure these rights, we cannot afford to wait and let these rights be overturned as they did with Roe v Wade.  It is vital to have actual federal legislation in place protecting these rights so that we are not at the whim of the current political climate. 

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Andrew Solender, Axios(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

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DOMA: the Defense of Marriage Act, was passed by the United States Congress and Senate and made law with the intention to “protect the institution of marriage”.  Protected it from what is the real question! This law was devised by those who intended to specifically define marriage as only between a cisgender heterosexual man and cisgender heterosexual woman. Its purpose is to reserve the protections of marriage to that single class of couples.

The effect of the law permitted individual states to discriminate and prohibit same sex marriages within their state.  It also gave states the power and right to refuse to recognize same sex marriages from other states in which same sex marriage was legalized, recognized and permitted. This severely undermines a longstanding legal principle that all Judgments and Orders from other states must be recognized by any other state in the union and most be given “Full Faith And Credit” in other word full force and effect.  

DOMA was determined to be unconstitutional initially by the Supreme Court case of United States v Winsor in 2013. The rights of same sex couples and the extinguishment of much of DOMA was determined in 2015 by the Supreme Court case of Obergefell v Hodges which ultimately determined the rights of same sex couples to legally marry throughout the 50 states. 

The fall of DOMA permitted same sex couples to nationally have the benefits that come with legalized marriage, however, it did not retroactively protect couples that may have been “domestic partners” or living together for years and even decades prior to being able to legally get married.  

So, what does this really mean and look like?  In most states, as in New York, in a divorce, valuation of marital and separate property of a couple is determined from the date that they were legally married to the date that they commence a divorce action. 

What is the impact and what does that mean?  Well, if a couple for example has been together 30 years, prior to being able to legally marry and planned their financial futures accordingly; either deciding to pool retirement or utilizing one partner’s benefits to establish a more secure financial future for both parties at the time of retirement; this planning would be disregarded by the court system.  The court is only permitted to look at assets that existed at the time of the legal marriage and valued as of the date of the commencement of a divorce action.  So, in our example if a couple had in their financial planning decided to put more money in one party’s retirement, with the intention that they would both benefit from it in the future.  At the time of the divorce, that asset would only be considered the property of one party until such time as the date of the legal marriage.  So, all the planning and all the monies that were put aside prior to the date of the legal marriage would NOT be considered marital property by the court and the party who had contributed to the other person’s pension or retirement asset, as a way to plan for the future, would be denied those monies and benefits.  

A spouse has no right to retirement assets acquired or complied prior to the date of the legal marriage. Therefore, no matter what careful planning a couple may have chosen for their future, the court will not recognize this planning or the parties’ intensions. The Court will only recognize assets titled (or in the name of the party) at the date of the marriage.  Therefore, investments of 30 years for a joint future will be totally disregarded. For instance, if a couple chose to invest in one person’s retirement, rather than each person’s retirement, knowing that they would both benefit, their plan will be totally disregarded and the person that has no retirement, but was choosing to utilized resources to build a partner/spouse’s retirement could be left with nothing.

Article/blog post courtesy of Concetta Spirio

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

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