The Latest News 2020

In these uncertain times my colleagues and I are holding a FREE webinar to support our friends, clients and the businesses in our community.

Please join us this Wednesday, March 25th from 12pm - 1pm for Vaccinating Your Business - and Your Life - Against COVID-19. 

Register here.

We look forward to having you!

Nobody really wants the divorce to be part of the public news cycle (or made public at all), but starting at the end of this year, the UK will begin livestreaming family cases.

This is another reason why collaborative divorce is so essential for many couples. Not only does it take you and your dispute out of the court system but it makes it completely private and confidential.

I know personally from my clients that being in court is stressful, and having to relive terrible parts of their marriage in an open forum would be unbearable. 

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Amy Woodyatt, CNN

Video conferencing and working from home virtually is going to become the new business norm for the current health crisis.

This is a great blog post on how to dress for your video conference.

Ms. Melanie Lippman is a member of my MOXXIE networking organization and has helped many of my colleagues with tips on how to look their best. 

Thank you Melanie for writing this blog!

Linked blog post courtesy of Melanie Lippman.  Photo courtesy of VSPL.

Engagement rings and wedding bands are often significant investments, not to mention the emotional attachment they may have as well as the pain they can invoke after a divorce.  So, the question becomes, what happens or what do you do with the rings?  The choices people make can vary tremendously, just like the differences between couples in divorce are varied.  They span the spectrum of practicality to cathartic. 

The first question actually is, who legally has the right to make the decision?  Most people don’t understand the legal ramifications of divorce and what constitutes separate or marital property.  Technically, the engagement ring is a gift before marriage and therefore is separate property and is the sole property of the person receiving it.  The wedding rings however, are marital property.  This may vary from state to state, but that is how it is in New York.  What happens if one of the rings was a family heirloom?  That can also raise additional problems and questions.  In the case of an heirloom for an engagement ring, typically the engagement ring is owned by the person it was given to as separate property.  But, if it was an heirloom, it is possible that you can make a deal that the person gets the approximate value of that ring in exchange for returning it to the family inheritance. 

Another significant issue is whether there are children of the marriage.  If there are children of the marriage, there may be strong feelings on gifting one or more of these rings to the children so that they may use it in the future and the rings stay within the family.  This also may be impacted by the financial reality of how much the rings are worth.  If finances are of importance, the financial value of the ring could come into play and a more financially prudent decision may be necessary, such as selling the ring or insuring you will get its value by repurposing it into a necklace or pendant, for example. 

It is important to make the best choice that balances your emotional and financial needs and enables you to move forward in the best possible way to start the next chapter of your life.  If the emotional toll of keeping the ring is too high, repurposing it or giving it to a family member may be the way to go.  You need to dispose of the ring in a way that allows you to move forward and heal.  Although not necessarily a wise decision, some people feel so strongly that they physically have to get rid of it by throwing it away. 

If you decide to sell the ring, make sure you do it in an appropriate way that you maximize its worth by dealing with a reputable jeweler and getting opinions from more than one.  Be aware that an appraisal value is not an indicator of the true value of the ring.  It is utilized for insurance purposes for replacement value, but is not what you can sell it for to a retail or other jeweler.  They will not buy it for premium cost.  A good rule of thumb is that an appraisal is probably anywhere from 10% to 30% higher than the rings purchase price.  It is made to protect the insurer and not to insure that you get a high price. 

This article offers a real life example of how drastic this can be. According to this article, Mariah Carey got a 35 carat diamond ring, which cost the suitor $13 million and was appraised for $66 million, but when she decided to sell it, she only received $2.7 million.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Heather L. Locus, Contributor, Personal Finance, Forbes.

Surprisingly, psychologists have found that it's not the grand gestures or the extreme passion of a good sex life that makes a marriage last in the long term...it's the little things like taking care of one another and paying attention to all of those small things throughout the days of your lives together.  That small bit of attention goes a long way and more often than not lasts longer than the grand gestures.

In other words, grand gestures without the in-between communication, support and engagement might very well be a sign your relationship won't last.

Relationships that have open and honest communication, where there is an interest in one another, remembering the little things like saying thank you or taking care of something for your spouse...these are the elements that make a relationship endure. 

This article is a testament to interaction and paying attention to one another and having personal exchanges multiple times during the week and most definitely during the day.  Isolation and disconnect are definitely killers to any relationship.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Minda Zetlin for Inc. This Morning Newsletter.  Photo courtesy of Getty Images.

Most people despite the harsh realties are looking for the fairytale romantic relationship where you fall in love at first sight or that you find your soulmate and are looking for a relationship that lasts a lifetime.  The harsh reality is that is the rare exception rather than the rule. 

It has long been a statistic that more than half of marriages end in divorce and in some areas those statistics are higher.  In Europe it has been shown that in the last 50 years people have divorced 2 ½ times more often and get married 2 times less often.

Whether you are married legally or in a committed long term relationship, if dissolution of the relationship is a reality, using the Collaborative process for either a divorce or the dissolution of a significant relationship is vital and a much more holistic approach, no matter what your geographical location is.  Further the courts will not get involved with the dissolution of a romantic partnership that is not a legal marriage.  

There is scientific data and research that has been done on foreseeing whether divorce is a possibility in a relationship  and nine most distinctive factors. 

This first factor I find is a humorous one.  They basically did a study of people’s photographs from college and were able to determine by the amount of the impact of their smile or gloom of their photo, the rate of divorce for those people.  The study showed that people who look gloomy in their photos were divorced five times more often than those who smiled. 

This also held true for people with respect to the emotional tone of their voice and the commitment to what they are saying.  So, it’s not only what you say but how you say it 😊  

This article had some interesting points on what to look for in your relationship and factors that can contribute to an early termination.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of anton7788, Chowhound.

Many people don't realize until they are going through it, the extreme stress that the divorce process creates for the parties.  Other than the death of a child or spouse, getting divorced can be one of the most horrific times of a person's life.  This stress is guaranteed to last for several months and for some, years, depending on whether the parties go through a litigated and highly contested divorce or choose an alternative method with a more holistic approach, such as Mediation and Collaborative Divorce.  Having to appear in the Courthouse; going into a Courtroom; and being addressed by a Judge who now has control over your life and your children is extremely scary and stressful for most people. This is why using Collaborative or Mediation is extremely helpful in alleviating much of the stress caused by the Court System.  In both Collaborative Divorce and Mediation the parties never have to personally go to Court; only their paperwork goes to the Courthouse to get processed.  That is a big difference and it alleviates a tremendous amount of stress for the parties.

Even under the best of circumstances, the dissolution of a marriage or a significant life partner relationship has inherit stress and has highly charged emotional aspects.  Even when you are choosing a holistic approach, stress is involved.  That is why using the Collaborative method is so beneficial.  One of the members of the professional team is a mental health specialist who acts as a family specialist or divorce coach, helping guide the couple and navigating through difficult communication. 

This article highlights different tips that you can take on how to help yourself through the stress.  One being getting a therapist or a divorce coach that you can use as a sounding board and help you navigate some of the difficult issues.  Getting organized, making a plan, doing your homework and finding out about the different processes available to you, other than costly litigation, well before you choose to take those first steps towards getting divorced.  Most people feel much better when they get organized and have a plan of action.  Just taking small baby steps of getting information can help you feel more grounded and help you organize and choose a better path going forward. 

I feel taking positive action towards moving forward in a positive way are some of the biggest steps that you can take to help alleviate stress and help support yourself through an extremely difficult time.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Karen Covy of Your Tango Blog; Photo courtesy of UNSPLASH/TRENT SZMOLNIK.

This article talks about the film Marriage Story, which has some very on point dramatizations of what can happen in real life.  Divorce is hard enough, but when a couple thinks that this can be very simple and easy and should not cost us anything to get divorced, they are many times proven drastically wrong.  Even when a couple starts out with the premise that they feel there is not a lot to fight over, if they get involved in a litigated divorce, things become positional very early on and many times the couple are oceans away from where they originally started…thinking that they could do this simply, either by a difference of opinion or a perceived breach of trust, or a multitude of many other reasons.  This is why Mediation and the Collaborative process is so vital and important.  These processes are based on and revolve around the clients and their communications and trying to keep things on a settlement track from beginning to end. 

The other fallacies that most people don’t realize is that no matter what you do or which path you take, divorce does not come for free.  There are legal implications that are imposed by the Courts and paperwork that is required as well as filing fees.  This paperwork, although the Court has a do it yourself section, is very difficult for a lay person to actually accomplish.  Therefore, you need the assistance of a professional, to not only navigate the process of divorce, but to get the paper work done correctly.  One thing is for sure, using an alternative method like Collaborative Divorce or Mediation is much more cost effective than litigation and as I like to say, in these methods the parties never go to Court, only their paperwork does.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Elle Hunt, The Guardian; & Netflix/Guardian Design Team