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WHY LEGALIZED MARRIAGE HAS NOT SOLVED ALL ISSUES FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY

You Do not want to be the first case the Courts interpret on these challenges

 Although the LGBT Community has now been afforded many of the rights enjoyed by the heterosexual community, the legalization of marriage has not solved all the issues and has created different challenges and issues in the event of a divorce. For traditional families and couples, divorce has been a process that is relatively straight forward since it has years of history both in legislation and judicial interpretation.  For the Lesbian and Gay community, we face a great deal of uncertainty and ambiguity since the legalization of marriage is so new for our community and there has not been much case law interpreting divorce of Lesbian and Gay couples. 

 Many couples in the LGBT community have been together for many years sometimes decades before legalized marriage was an option. 

So, what does this mean in the event of a divorce?  Well, the law and the Courts will only look at a marriage, including marital assets and debts, from the date of marriage to the date of divorce.  This means the law DOES NOT consider the relationship that existed prior to the legal marriage.  So where does that leave the lesbian and gay couples that have been a couple for many years before they married and have created and implemented their financial plan for the future.

  From a legal and Court perspective, the Courts do Not address assets and debts that were acquired prior to the marriage.  This creates a unique challenge for lesbian and gay couples that have had a lengthy relationship before a formal marriage.  The courts have yet to address these challenges and you do not want your marriage to be the case of first impression for the courts to decide.  It is very important that you have a seasoned divorce attorney on your side.  It is my opinion that the attorney should have experience within the Lesbian and Gay community to truly understand the issues that face our community.

It is also why I strongly feel that alternatives to divorce litigation such as Collaborative Divorce and Mediation which are extremely important to the Lesbian and Gay community.  These alternative methods let the parties to the divorce customize their agreement and the dissolution of their marriage based on the facts and circumstances of their relationship. 

 There are also many things that the community can do to protect themselves and avoid the event of a nasty divorce.

For all lesbian and gay couples, it is important that they address this challenge. So, what should you do to avoid these challenges? 

• Create a domestic partnership agreement or prenuptial agreement that address all issues in the event of a divorce
• Create a post nuptial agreement that address all issues I the event of a divorce
• If divorce is on the horizon be sure to choose an alternative method to obtain your divorce out of Court such as Mediation or Collaborative Divorce. These methods will keep your lives assets and interests out of the Courts reach.

Many studies show that having a good primary relationship with a significant other or spouse is one of the best ways to achieve happiness. 

A massive University research project described as the most comprehensive study of marriage happiness to date, says that there is a single fact or characteristic that has an impact on whether relationships are good enough and whether the people in them will ultimately be happy or frustrated.

We often think of things that are important for relationships as compatibility, growth, sexual attraction, intelligence, wisdom or shared values.  However, this study found that the single attribute is KINDNESS.  The study included combing through data of 2,500 long term married couples together twenty (20) years or more to boil this down to this one characteristic. 

The research found that people being happier in their relationship also reported that they had higher levels of agreeableness (be considerate and kind to others) and lower levels of emotional instability (a person who worries a lot).  Surprisingly, whether couples had common interests or similar personalities did not have much effect at all on happiness.  Instead of looking for what you may consider to be true compatibility, the bigger and maybe smarter question is, is the person you are dating nice or do they have a lot of anxiety?  It is those attributes that appear to matter more.

So what if you are already in a long term relationship?  Relationships are made of an infinite number of small interactions, and if a couple can be conscious of those interactions and be active listeners with empathy, expressing warmth and interest to one’s spouse or partner, can make a significant difference, even if the dance of your relationship is well established.  It doesn’t mean you cannot wake up and change how you interact with one another.  If we can all respond to our partner with interest and warmth, even if we cannot do that all time, then show that we are interested in hearing about it but may not be able to listen to the issue at a particular moment.  When we make a misstep or mistake as we will all do, own up to it and recognize it and apologize for it.  

Again, being kind and nurturing to a partner and the multitude of simple acts of kindness can go an incredibly long way. 

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Bill Murphy, Jr., of Inc. and Getty Images.

Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Elvis Presley, and other stars say "I do."

The public is very interested in the lives of celebrities. Here are some vintage photos of marriages. Just like main stream America, divorce is also a high reality. Is it higher for celebs? Are people more interested in the marriage or their highly publicized break ups? One thing for sure is that celebs have smartened up, and to help keep their break ups private, they are using alternative methods like collaborative divorce and “uncoupling” to resolve their divorce issues.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Alex Aronson, Redbook.  Selected photo courtesy of Getty Images.

Nearly six years after this couple, who share a ten-year-old, confirmed their breakup, they are still in the midst of their divorce proceeding trying to settle all issues.  Primarily, Jenna is seeking a large share of Channing’s earnings from his Magic Mike franchise. 

Once again, this shows the pitfalls of not having a Prenuptial Agreement that would normally align and determine assets regarding business development or income as a result of entrepreneurial efforts and opportunities that may come a person’s way.  Obviously for celebrities this is compounded astronomically! 

However, there may be significant assets, whether it's personal, intellectual property, or business assets from developing a business or concept that everyday people could acquire during the marriage, which ordinarily would become marital property.  Having a Prenup is extremely important to protect present and/or future potential assets. 

If you have questions about the benefits of Prenups or how to avoid a messy divorce, please feel free to contact Concetta G. Spirio, Esq. at Spirio Law and catch my blog article on the “Five Benefits of a Prenuptial Agreement”. 

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Olivia Evans, eonline(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Google's ImageFX

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

Most people know that keeping a relationship healthy and alive is truly hard work.  But if you're not happy in that relationship and not sure whether it is time to let go, here are some telltale signs that demonstrate that the relationship is probably not healthy and it may be time to move on.  This shows at least seven factors you should look at. 

Do you truly want the same things in a relationship?  Every couple will disagree about things, but the difference is if your life goals are different, then that may be unsurmountable.  For instance, if one of you wants children and the other one absolutely hates the idea.  This could be a deal breaker.  Further, you should never go into this situation thinking you are going to change the other person’s mind.  That is a recipe for disaster. 

You are the one who is constantly trying to make your partner happy and they don’t reciprocate.  If you are the one doing the heavy lifting in a relationship, maybe you should ask the question why or have a real heart to heart discussion to see whether this is someone who has gotten lazy or complacent or there truly isn’t a desire to keep this relationship going. 

The rest of this article demonstrates several other items you should look out for.  If you feel that you are in this place or that you are not sure, maybe it's time to have a discussion with a family specialist or a therapist to see whether this is where you should be. 

The family specialists that are part of the collaborative process are amazing individuals.  They can truly help people work through conflict and identify problems and help them to seek resolution to continue their relationship or an amicable dissolution if necessary. 

If you or someone you know is going through a difficult time or a conflict within their primary relationship, please feel free to contact my offices to learn about the collaborative process and our team of professionals who are here to help you. 

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Beth El Fattal, yourtango(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

Studies have shown that there is a spike in divorce filings at the end of summer and beginning of a new year.  Some attribute that to the fact that couples spend more time together in the summer and things can "heat up" when there are existing problems between the couple.  However, people don't choose to file until later when the school year begins and their children are back in school.  Likewise, traditionally, the December holidays are not a time when people file for divorce.  Filings spike when the new year comes around, with new year resolutions and a retrospect of looking back over the past year.

If someone is even thinking about a divorce, they should start to plan and prepare long before they file.  Summer is often a good time to have conversations with your attorney, financial advisors, and of course, your family.  It is also a good time to make an assessment and get familiar, if you are not already, with what you have - whether it is bank accounts, credit cards, investments or actual physical property - and to have an understanding of your financial circumstances and wherewithal, especially if you are not the spouse that takes care of these items.  It is also best to start accumulating copies, while you have access to all the important documents, of tax returns, bank statements, credit cards and retirement accounts - not only assets but also liabilities, to understand the financial health of your relationship and how you will be able to proceed moving forward.

Summer is also a good time to reflect, if you are considering a divorce, what you are really looking for moving forward...whether divorce is right for you now and what do you want your family to look like in the next five years.  Family counseling or coupling counseling may also be appropriate.  If you feel there is trouble brewing but not sure the direction you want to take.  Having outside help, when something as emotionally and traumatic as problems in a marriage can be, it is important to get perspective of what is really happening and examine what your real feelings and needs are.  It may also give the opportunity, if done early enough, to resolve problems before they arrive at a breaking point.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Ryan W. Miller, USA TODAY & Divorce Magazine

This article is very much on point both Nassau and Suffolk counties here on Long Island have seen a rise in domestic violence reports.  The coronavirus has many victims.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Scottie Andrew, CNN; Photo Courtesy of Shutterstock

Divorce is never an easy decision. But, once you have decided to move forward, you next must decide the best method of settlement for you and your spouse.

There are three options to consider: litigation, collaborative divorce or mediation. If you have already done your research and decided that the collaborative divorce process is the best way for you and your spouse to negotiate your divorce or separation, you must next encourage your spouse to engage in the collaborative process.

Let’s review each option to determine why Collaborative divorce would be the most beneficial.

Litigation

In contrast to the collaborative model, litigation is an adversarial process, designed to have winners and losers at the conclusion. Both parties are represented by an attorney who will advocate their client’s position with the potential threat of a trial. Litigation is the most expensive option, will take the longest to resolve and is the most emotionally draining on both parties. In addition, there are no guarantees at the end of the day what the judge will decide.

Collaborative Divorce Process

The collaborative process still has each party represented by an attorney; however, the key difference is that the attorneys are committed to obtaining a fair settlement for both of you to avoid a trial. Underpinning this commitment, the attorneys sign an agreement that they will not represent you in court if a settlement is not achieved. To assist you and the attorneys, and if your particular situation so requires, neutral unbiased financial experts and/or family support specialists trained in the collaborative process, will be retained to help navigate financial and family issues. The collaborative process will generally be less expensive, quicker and will result in an agreement tailored to your needs through the assistance of your collaborative team.

Mediation

In mediation, the parties negotiate with each other with the guidance of a neutral mediator. Mediation is the least expensive option and is a good choice if each spouse is comfortable advocating for themselves. If the mediators are also lawyers, they will write the agreement and prepare and file your divorce papers. Mediation does not require the parties to go to court.

If you’ve chosen the collaborative process, it’s likely that you want the assistance of an attorney and neutral financial or family experts to avoid the adversarial nature of litigation. To help get your spouse on board, it’s important to stress how the collaborative process would benefit each of you. You might do this by following these suggestions:

1. Be prepared to highlight how the collaborative model works and provide your spouse with helpful websites such as www.licdp.com and www.collaborativepractice.com ;

2. Provide your spouse with articles explaining the process and benefits of Collaborative;

3. Speak with your spouse at a less stressful time of day when there is a better chance of having a fruitful discussion;

4. Send a text or email if you and your spouse have difficulty communicating face to face;

5. Ask a family member whom your spouse trusts to discuss the collaborative option with them;

6. Don’t force the issue. Give your spouse the time to consider this option;

7. Speak with a collaborative attorney that you wish to hire. They can reach out to your spouse to explain the collaborative process and answer any questions your spouse may have, or alternatively, provide them with the aforementioned websites so that your spouse can consult with their own collaborative attorney.

To obtain more information and a list of collaboratively trained lawyers, financial experts and family support specialists, please visit www.licdp.com. Each member will be happy to answer any additional questions or concerns you may have.